An offence is an occasion to stumble. It can be caused by a violation of law, transgression of social or moral rules, or an act that causes anger or resentment.
Minister Joyce Myers defined unforgiveness as a toxic state of mental and emotional distress caused by holding on to resentment, bitterness, or anger toward someone who has caused hurt. It traps the us in the past, thus leading to spiritual, physical, and emotional anguish acting as a poison that hinders personal joy.
Unforgiveness in our hearts is a result of us failing an offence test. Jesus warned that offences will come (Luke 17:1) as a call for His people to prepare themselves so that we can prove our character and ministry as offences can be a stepping stone or a stumbling block.
📖Luke 17:1
Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!
Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!
Many persons have mastered the art of the silent treatment, have become an expert at getting even, or have perfected the skill of spreading just enough information to make sure someone’s reputation suffers the way theirs did. Many persons have consoled themselves with one or more strategies against the people they live with, work with, and/or claim to love. All of these are manifestations of the spiritual condition that results from stumbling over an offence.
Symptoms of an offended person are:
1. Resentment
2. Withdrawal
3. Avoidance
4. Silence
5. Shutting down completely
6. Lashing out (Proverbs 9:8)
7. Sarcasm
8. Spreading just enough information to either tarnish the person’s reputation or for the person to know he/she is displeased
However, those things labeled as justice by the offended are righteous termed “bondage” by God. Every moment spent keeping the hurt, disappointment, and pain alive is not punishment to the offender, but imprisonment to the keeper.
Marianne Williamson coined "Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
When we are offended, we must first acknowledge how we feel. Acknowledging our spiritual state is not something we are to feel ashamed about or to be shamed about, rather it is the first step to us walking in the truth.
Another vital step to overcoming an offense, if led, is communicating with the offender.
📖Matthew 18:15-17
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.
An ought is an act that hurts someone.
Offences are love tests as they test the love for people in our hearts. They also reveal the heart posture of both the offender and the one who is offended. Additionally, they reveal our true dispositions of heart towards a matter or a person.
According to the scripture,
First, we should speak with the person who committed the act that hurt us alone at an appropriate time, if wise. In risky situations, for example sexual abuse, speaking with the offender privately may not be a wise decision. In situations like the example, we may feel like we've been stripped of our God given innocence. However, God says that once our hearts are pure, He sees us as pure. Contrary to man, God looks at the state of the heart.
Otherwise, in harmless situations, we should first do everything in our power to reconcile with the person first privately. If that step proves futile, we should involve an unbiased mediator.
Communication is an important part in the reconciliation process.
Another crucial part is forgiveness.
The very definition of unforgiveness tells us everything we need to know about its nature.
Unforgiveness is a battle that keeps hurts, disappointments, and pain alive. It's a chain that wraps itself around our hearts.
The root of unforgiveness is bitterness in our hearts. This bitterness is the catalyst that leads us to interpreting an act as an offence.
📖Ephesians 4:31
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
Every day we choose not to forgive, we are actively working to keep something painful breathing. Essentially we are nursing wounds to ensure that they never heal.
If we find ourselves holding an offence in our hearts, we should forgive speedily.
📖Ephesians 4:26
“Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
“Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,
We should not hold on to our anger until a more preferred time. It is not guaranteed that we will see that hour.
Ungodly counsel may advise us to hoard our offence through encouraging or comforting the symptoms of offence. God's way is for us to pray for our offenders.
📖Matthew 5:44
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
When we do this, we burden that person with guilt and condemnation in our minds. More dangerously, it stops the flow of love, leaving no room for reconciliation. The love that God designed to flow through us becomes restricted so everything downstream in the relationship suffers as a result.
We should never abandon God's directives to handle offences our way. For example, we shouldn't become disrespectful.
If we are the persons who committed the offense, we should quickly repent. Whether we committed the offense consciously or not, if we learn that someone is offended and that we are the cause, we should stop and introspect.
The true proof that we are no longer offended is we can look back at the occurrence and at the person that hurt us and feel no pain. A keeper of a deep-seated offence may lay it aside for a special occasion.
“The truth is that there are special days like Mothers’ or Father Day or even Birthdays when many persons lay aside any malice, strife, offenses, and unforgiveness to consciously show love, respect and gratitude to their someone
Sadly however, if there are deep seated offenses and unforgiveness, the embittered heart can again continue to hurt and hurt others as it continues to harbour resentment after these milestone events or occasions.” (- A quote from the Bread “Purity and Character: Dealing with Offenses and Unforgiveness released on the 11th of May 2026).
When we have truly forgiven someone we will not be offended with them but rather see them through the eyes of love and compassion. It is then that we can pray for them and watch God bring the changes He knows that they need in their lives.
The people in our homes are likely to be our first lessons. In the times when they rebuke us with the truth, we should hearken our hearts to hear the truth in their speech.
This principle extends beyond the home’s doors. We should pay little regard to the status of the messenger who delivers God's chastening.
📖Proverbs 3:12
For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
We should also look beyond the tone of the reproof.
When we were saved, God gave us a new heart. This new heart has the love of Christ shed abroad in it. When we hold on to offences our heart gets dark. This darkness affects not only us but also the person whom we are interacting with. This circle of revelation of negative character may grow unrestrained.
📖Hebrews 12:15
See that ye refuse not him that speaketh. For if they escaped not who refused him that spake on earth, much more shall not we escape, if we turn away from him that speaketh from heaven:
See that ye refuse not him that speaketh. For if they escaped not who refused him that spake on earth, much more shall not we escape, if we turn away from him that speaketh from heaven:
📖Psalm 34:11-14
Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good? Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.
Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is he that desireth life, and loveth many days, that he may see good? Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile. Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.
We should submit to the truth in corrections without being offended because we are either walking in darkness or in light.
📖Ephesians 5:8-11
For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them.
Pride, fear of losing a position, fear of failure, a power struggle, and housing sin will leave us incapable of freeing ourselves from offences.
If we cannot yield to this word, we will not survive the offences of the last days.
Delivered by: Pastor Donnette Norman
Summarized by: Francianne Richards
Reflect and Respond
Having read this Bread what is your main take away and why?
Is there someone you have offended or someone who has offended you?
What is your response to this person or situation today?
What is your response to this person or situation today?
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