Dealing with Offenses and Unforgiveness

A Forum on Forgiveness

Yesterday was Mother's Day. Like so  many I was blessed and deeply grateful to  God for enabling me go home to the country to spend time with my mother. For reasons  over which I had no control, this was the first time I was going back to my childhood home since last August 2025.

I was warmly greeted and embraced by some of who have been praying for me for months. TGBTG

The truth is that there are special days like 'Mothers  Day' when many persons lay aside  any malice, strife, offenses, and unforgiveness to consciously  show love, respect and gratitude  to their mothers or fathers.

Sadly however, if there is deep seated offenses and unforgiveness, the embittered heart can again continue to hurt and hurt others as it  continues to harbour resentment after these milestone events or occasions.  Thankfully,  that was not my case  as  for years, I had learnt to deal with  issues as they come up.

Let's  look at offenses

Offenses
An offense is an occasion to stumble. It is violation of a law, a transgression of social or moral rules, or an act that causes anger and resentment.

Unforgiveness
Joyce Meyer describes  unforgiveness  as, a toxic state of emotional and mental distress caused by holding onto resentment, bitterness, and anger toward someone who has caused hurt. It traps individuals in the past, often leading to physical, spiritual, and emotional distress, acting as a "poison" that hinders personal joy.

As mentioned above, an offense is an occasion to stumble.  Jesus said in St. Matthew  18 that offenses  will come and cautions persons not to bring them.
The truth is offenses can be used as a stumbling block or a stepping stone

In fact offenses are love tests that are meant for us to see how much we really love and care for people. In these love test both the offender and the one who is offended hearts towards each other will be revealed.

When we have truly forgiven someone we will not be offended  with them but rather see them through the eyes of love and compassion. Our hearts are free towards them and we can then obey any instructions  God gives us as to how to deal with them.

We can then pray for them and watch God bring the changes He knows they need in their lives.

Offenses and unforgiveness  can be masked for years. People may mask them for many reasons including being fearful of losing a relationship or advantage or for what may result if they reveal their true feelings. Some symptoms are of some one who is offended are as follows:

​O   Resentment
​O   Withdrawal
​O   Avoidance
O   Silence
​O   Shouting  down completely
​O   Lashing out defensively
​O   Sarcasm
​O   Spreading roots of bitterness and defiling others. (Hebrews 12:15)

Can we truly forgive and forget?
We often hear the call  to forgive  and forget.
The truth is that there are some offenses laid against us that we forget easily, However  there are some that we will never forget as these are sometimes seen as significant mile stone stumbling  blocks or stepping stones.

We may never forget them but God requires  and encourages us  to forgive them. The truth is that we know that we have forgiven  when we no longer feel the pain  associated  with the offense and the remembrance of the  offender.

For example, as a teenager  there were times I would resent the way my parents dealt with somethings.  I have forgotten many of these why, I  learnt to trust their wisdom and  came to understand  that they meant  me no harm. I came to understand that discipline  is a part of raising children and that their motives were pure.
This resulted  in me  growing  in love and trust towards them them.

They were godly parents and I came to learn about and grow in my Faith in God by their example. Consequently, as I grew older I came to see and appreciate  some of the reasons they did what they did. 

As a family we  soon learnt  how  not to just speak about issues but  come up with practical solutions  to deal with  each other.

We  would later sometimes  make reference to some of these offenses in a redemptive  matter. We would even now joke about some of the disagreements we had and now  share life  lessons learnt from them.

How should we deal with offenses and unforgiveness?

The truth is that as long as we live,  we will face offenses and unforgiveness.  God by His Holy Spirit can however  show us how to deal  with them.

The truth is harboring offenses and  unforgiveness can make us physically and spiritually sick.

It was Marrianne Williamson who said: "Unforgiveness  is like drinking poison  and waiting for the other person to die"

This is so true.
The following are some ways  that I  have learnt  to deal  offenders.

📍Pray for my offender with a pure heart. Listen to the instructions  of the Holy Spirit who always gives righteous counsel.

📍Speaking to the person who offend  and dealing with the matter according to the scripture.

📖Matthew 18:15-17 NKJV
[15] “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. [16] But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ [17] And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector.

📍 Choosing to forgive. True forgiveness frees our  hearts from  offenses. Yes we must  keep short accounts. We must choose to forgive quickly.
We are told not to even let the sun go down upon our wrath. Ephesians 4:26.

📍Over the years I have learnt to deal with  matters as they arise and to treat persons righteously as I would love to be treated. (Luke 6:31).

📍Keep communication lines open if possible. Communication promotes interaction and fuels action.  This is necessary for reconciliation There are times when it is wisdom  not to keep communicating directly  to our offenders.

📍Seeking to engage  an unbiased mediator or Counsellor.

📍Speak the truth  in love to the offender  and take the time to listen to them. You may just see where and why you laid the offense. Ephesians 4:15

📍We are warned to  forgive others quickly  so we can be able to receive  God’s  forgiveness  if we need to. St Matt. 6:14.

Whatever we do we are urged to
seek peace and pursue it. Psalm 34:11-12

Scripture  In Focus
📖 Colossians 3:12-13 NKJV
[12] Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; [13] bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

📖 Matthew 18:21-22 NKJV
[21] Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” [22] Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

📖 Ephesians 4:26-27 NKJV
[26] “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, [27] nor give place to the devil.

📖 Matthew 5:44 NKJV
[44] But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,

Reflect and Respond

What is the main thing that stands out to you from this WordVibes or Bread and why? 

Is there someone you have been offended by or who have offended you that you need to forgive?

This is an urgent matter when will you be dealing with this?

Remember  charity  should begin at home. How are the relationships with you and those at home or in your family? Is there need for forgiveness and reconciliation today. Go for it.

Written by Donnette Norman
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